Saturday, January 15, 2011

Dream a Little Dream

Dear Dad,

I don't know if you remember this, but the night before Grandpa Dec died I had gotten home from being out of town and decided I was too tired to go visit him. Although, I was almost relieved when he finally passed away because he was suffering so much at the end, the fact that I hadn't seen him that last time was really hard to bear.

A few months later I had a dream that I was in the study of the apartment and he was outside the window. Clearly a ghost and clearly saying good bye. I remember vividly waking up feeling calm and without regret. My dream gave me a sense of closure and I was able to move on.

When you died I prayed for that dream. But in four and a half years it hasn't come. You have never even been in a dream as a background person. Until last night.

Last night I had a dream that you were in my current home (a place where you have obviously never been in life) and walked down to the basement to do something. That was the only amount of time that I actually saw you. Then a phone rang (which in my dream I knew was yours). It was a Droid sitting on my entryway table (which I thought was weird because a. you always had Nextel, b. you weren't living in the age of "smart phones" and c. you ALWAYS kept your phone on your hip... cause you are a dork).

The next thing I knew I was awake, confused and trying desperately to go to sleep and get back to you and my dream.

The closure I was looking for has not come. Guess I will keep waiting.

Love you,
Jilly Bean

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